Narcissists can be annoying to live with, even dangerously manipulative in some cases. While many people exhibit some degree of narcissism, it’s those with a narcissistic personality disorder that you should be careful of.
Knowing how a narcissist manipulates people can help you avoid being manipulated by them.
Here are some common ways in which a narcissist will try to manipulate you:
Gaslighting
Narcissists will often attempt to distort your sense of reality by convincing you that your experiences are fake or happened differently than you recall, referred to as “gaslighting“. They regularly twist your words into insults and abusive barbs. They do this subtly by saying things like “you imagined it” or “are you sure?” or “so you are calling me crazy?”, when you were saying nothing of the sort.
While there’s no harm in re-confirming details, narcissists are more assertive and divisive than inquisitive.
Projection
Do you know of someone who always finds a way to blame others for their faults? Everyone is guilty of playing the blame game sometimes, but narcissists take it to a new and different level.
When an individual always projects their personal and professional failures onto someone else, this may lead to the other person questioning their integrity. Unfortunately, extreme narcissists aren’t open to change, so it’s best to stay away from people who display these characteristics.
Shaming
Shaming is similar to projection and can have a more direct impact on the intended victim. A narcissist who uses shaming will often say things like “you are immature” or “you are an abuser” or “I’m forced to take you to court” (again…). They interact in this manner regularly in an attempt to belittle and intimidate another individual by asserting their “dominance” over others.
The best way to deal with shaming is not to argue, just agree that they are entitled to their own version of events and move on. It is best not to invest a moment of your time and energy correcting their endless lies and need for attention and discord – their versions of the facts are typically fiction.
Triangulation
Do you know of someone who always brings a third party to win a conversation? For example, they may say “I am not the only one who says so…” or “everyone knows about you”. This is called triangulation and is commonly used by narcissists to diminish others and collect attention from anyone willing to engage.
Dealing with a narcissist can be difficult, particularly if you are willing to gobble up their bait because you did not recognize it at the onset. However, once you recognize their typical tactics, you will be able to sidestep their manipulations and recognize them for what they are.
For more helpful tips on navigating the narcissist in your life, check-out our blog library.