Relationships can be difficult at times to navigate, but they’re even harder when your partner is suffering from mental health or personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissism.
People with borderline personalities have an unstable personal identity, they can suffer from paranoia, are often suspicious, and can make your life a living hell. However, one thing that no one may have told you about BP’s is their ability to manipulate your thinking and make you feel as though you are insane, with a tactic commonly used, known as ‘gaslighting’.
How to Tell if Your Partner is Gaslighting You
Gaslighting is a technique that can be used to alter your entire perception of reality, forcing you to doubt yourself, your thoughts, memories, and ideas. The person being gaslighted may feel dazed, and confused, as though a fog encapsulates your will to think clearly. The ‘mind control’ tactics often are so fierce and unrelenting, that you may end up questioning your own sanity.
Do you think you’re being manipulated by someone who may be suffering from a mental health disorder?
Here are some common gaslighting tactics:
- The person gaslighting you will blatantly lie to your face without ever changing their story or backing down. Their lies become the “truth”.
- You’re openly discredited in front of family, friends, colleagues, through false rumours that may suggest you’re emotionally unstable. Triangulation.
- The classic deflection blame game is a common gaslighting tactic. Your partner may change the topic when confronted with something they’ve done and tell you that “you’re making things up”. Your lying eyes.
- They’re trivializing your feelings and emotions, constantly demanding you to “calm down” and “stop overreacting”.
- An abuser will not accept responsibility for their behavior. They deny so convincingly of any wrongdoing, you may end up feeling confused yourself.
- Compassionate words are a gaslighter’s weapons of abuse. They will often tell you how much they love you and that they can never even think of hurting you on purpose. These are all lies and ways to manipulate and control you even more.
- You will see patterns of estrangement from ones close friends and family who have cut all ties to escape your partner, and/or family members you can no longer be in contact with (exposed lies / shame). It can feel very isolating and lonely.
If your intuition (inner voice) tells you something is wrong, and you are living with these tactics being employed on you, know that it will get worse without the BP wanting treatment.
In case you’re feeling as if your personal identity has been shattered by gaslighting abuse and you’ve lost your sense of perception, seek help.