Yes, falling in love with your captor is possible and it’s no different than being held hostage.
If you find yourself unable to get out of an abusive relationship, or have stayed in unhealthy relationships before, there’s a possibility you may be “stuck” as a result of the trauma bond.
This type of survival strategy is commonly adopted by someone who’s in a relationship with a narcissist or has co-dependency issues. It means you’re loyal to someone who can destroy your very own sense of self and personal identity and turn your world upside down.
In such cases, breaking free can be hard, but continuing on “as is” is not an option.
Are You in a Trauma Bond?
If you’ve ever questioned whether your relationship is loving or abusive, know that you’re in a trauma bond.
The power of a trauma bond can make you stay in an abusive relationship with a BPD or narcissist who manipulates you while conditioning you to believe that their toxic behavior is normal, or you’re just overthinking things.
It’s not necessary for you to be in a romantic relationship to experience trauma bonding. It can happen in any adult-to-adult relationship, such as with your boss, a friend, colleague, or even your professor.
How to break free?
If you’re deeply attached to someone with the toxic Cluster B features and find yourself unable to end things, know full well that carrying on would only cause more harm. You may want to consider:
- Consider going ‘no contact’. Cut the toxic individual out of your life, completely. The End!
- Start living in reality and commit to staying in the present moment (easier said than done, at times – it is good to have a mental health counselor in place for this – as a rational sounding board).
- Embrace the understanding that your relationship is toxic and remember it whenever you feel like going back or believe things will change. Journaling thoughts and feelings helps to document your progress, as your life begins to improve.
Work closely with a mental health counselor, it helps. Even if you reach out for a series of appointments, just a few times a year. Your counselor can help you develop and strengthen your coping skills, based in reality, and create a healthier space for you to flourish in.