Breaking up from a relationship is always painful, hard, and can be a downright nasty experience. Sadly, it is even more challenging when your partner is suffering from a personality disorder, such as BPD.
That’s because, BP’s usually harbor a crippling fear of abandonment, they’re often dependent on their partners both emotionally and financially and because the BP response is so frequently erratic and unstable, threats or acts of self-harm, can arise.
However, remaining in an abusive relationship and allowing your mental health to further implode, in the hopes of keeping the peace and ensuring everyone continues to ‘walk on eggshells’, rarely sits well in the heart of the significant other.
The best breakup option is to find a way that allows you to minimize the damage on both sides. A mental health professional may be necessary to help and support one or both of you through this process.
Breakup Methods and Their Corresponding Situations
When it comes to breaking up with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder, getting out there and confronting that person directly may not be the most productive choice.
Doing so can cause the BPD sufferer to become severely depressed, and often will be coupled with threats of self-harm. If you are truly sincere about ending your relationship with a BPD, some thoughtful, advanced planning, is needed.
Another breakup method which may foster increased chaos or theatrics is abruptly ending all contact with your ex. This technique may lend itself to the ever tiresome and more dramatic/attention seeking attempts, to force their paramour to remain in relationship hostage while attempts to salvage what is left are attempted. This option may result in the shameless involvement of other friends, families and yes, even colleagues or BOSSES, into your personal business.
You may think that cutting off contact and simply disappearing is the easy way out, but for someone with BPD, this can compound their fear abandonment increasing their out of touch rationalizations. Your BP partner may try harming themselves, or even methodically plot ways to passively and/or overtly, harm you… always in the hopes of filling their unfillable void of emptiness.
So, what’s the right way of breaking up when your partner has BPD?
Be brief, be gentle – and most importantly of all – be consistent. Without attack, lashing out, or using the guilt “card”, calmly speak and listen. Being sensitive to the feelings of a BP, even though you too may be hurting, can be a difficult task. Encouraging the BP to seek professional support and staying focused on your goal: ESCAPING your relationship with the BPD, once and for all.
Briefly say what you must, listen with empathy, and move forward with establishing your boundaries. Lack of consistency merely ensures your future attempt(s) to end your toxic relationship, will be that much more draining, damaging, and costly for you.
It is possible to make a clean break from a BP, just prepare mentally and know it will not be easy, especially if you are not absolutely ready to end it.