Having a family member with a mental illness or personality disorder can be difficult, making the holidays even harder. That’s because a toxic family member can make things bitter, awkward and a path of eggshells for everyone to travel.
How to Manage Your Holiday with a Toxic Person?
Do you remember Christmases past when your always-angry uncle snapped at your aunt? Or times when a narcissistic cousin made things awkward for everyone at the dinner table while he sat openly trash talking others in the name of holiday spirit?
Spending the few and precious days off from work among your most toxic family members can be a nightmare which everyone dreads. Managing this chaos is possible if you can follow these easy tips:
Plan a Short Visit
Consider this: Let’s say you get 5 Christmas days off this year and you want to spend these days relieving your stress rather than adding to it.
Even if your family wants you to spend all of the time with your angry alcohol addicted uncle, it may be better to shorten your stay and leave wanting more. Limit your visit to 3-overnights, total. Allow yourself some time on the back-end to unwind and relax.
Take the ‘Family Craziness’ as a Comic Relief
What if your family’s crazy?
Try to laugh about the ‘crazy’ instead of complaining and whining while you spend holidays with your mentally ill relatives. Count your blessings and use the opportunity to be thankful it isn’t you that everyone dreads being around. Derive humor from their bewildering behavior and don’t let the stress get to you.
After all, happiness is a choice.
Establish Your Boundaries & Stick with Them
In addition to restricting the amount of time and number of days you spend with a toxic family member, consider setting boundaries and making it the “norm”:
- Know what personal information you feel comfortable sharing and determine how much you plan to divulge with family. It is okay not to overshare – it’s not a confessional.
- Help with the big meals by creating a seating arrangement. Be kind.
- Practice brief replies for toxic attitudes, poor behaviors, and unnecessary comments, particularly if you will be the focus. It is okay to politely shut down inappropriate behavior.
Lastly, know that family is family. No matter how toxic your relatives are, look to enjoy the kindness in them while keeping your visit brief.